There are many assumptions people make when they see me in my wheelchair. People think I’m “poor” or “homeless” or “jobless” or “brain damaged” or any combination. If they talk to me, they talk slowly using small words and look surprised when I answer them.
Yes, it's annoying.
These assumptions are common and there isn’t much I can do about them. I suppose I could paint the back of my wheelchair to read “I have a job, an address, a bank account, and I’m not brain damaged.” – but then I’m pretty sure no one would believe the part about not being brain damaged.
I took my car to get its registration done this week at a Jiffy Lube. The wait was a whole hour and their store wasn’t wheelchair accessible. I mean, I guess most people would say that it was because they had a ramp – but it was almost a 90 degree angle for two feet and then the landing was super narrow. I didn’t dare try so I went to a nearby store to shop around and wait.
The area was really ghetto and seedy and I saw six homeless people walking to and from different surrounding areas as I came back to the Jiffy Lube. I was having trouble pushing through the parking lot that joined the two stores and I was getting super self conscious because I just KNEW the people driving on the nearby main road were judging me. I started to get so mad at…well, everything.
I was mad that people were judging me based on what I looked like – a struggling little wheelchair girl, probably brain damaged and poor. I was mad at the parking lot, why was it shaped this way? I was mad at me – why did I have to be in a wheelchair?
But then I thought about disabled people in other countries. So many don’t even have wheelchairs. They couldn’t push through a seedy parking lot even if they wanted to.
It occurred to me that I could go anywhere I wanted with my wheelchair - anywhere! My wheelchair isn’t my disability – and neither are my lifeless legs – what seems to disable me most is my pride.
And so as I pushed through the parking lot, I discovered the best remedy for pride: gratitude! As I pushed all the way back to the Jiffy Lube and as I endured the many sideways glances from the patrons there, I listed all the things I could think of that I was grateful for.
...and I felt so much better.
So here’s a quick list before bed:
- pumpkin pancakes
- Christmas trees
- my husband
- mechanical pencils
- snow flurries
- the game Scrabble
- hot chocolate
- down pillows
- street dancers
- policemen
…what’s yours?
I just went to Wal-Mart to get our oil changed and I got the royal treatment. The beauties of small town America I guess. Or...it could be that I had 3 of my kids with me. The 7 year old getting my chair out of the back of my van, the 3 yr. old trying to "help" push me, and the 5 year walking with her hand on my shoulder which actually makes pushing that much harder! They even paged me to ask me a questions about rotating my tires and before I could even make my way back to the automotive section, they had their mechanic walking the store looking for me and apologizing that I would have to roll all the way back over there! Actually, the whole process completely cracked me up! We do pull off a lot of pity don't we? And then there are days, when I pull enough pity in for myself that I don't need anybody else's! So, here's my list:
ReplyDelete1. For God and my salvation
2. For my knight in shining armor - my hubby!
3. For my 6 beautiful and healthy children
4. For my tremendous support network of friends and loved ones.
5. For my wheelchair - yes, it is liberating!
Right at this moment? You!
ReplyDeleteIt's 2:30 am... alack! Gotta go to bed. Night x
1. spiritual upliftment (is that a word..not according to blogger)...like you gave us tonight in Roosevelt!
ReplyDelete2. walks and talks early in the morning with friends.
3. apple crisp!